莫非定律in男女關係

這是另一篇覺得頗好笑的英文文章，譯得有些不
大流利。
若有錯誤，請有心人不吝指教。

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1.
A woman: I never made love to my husband before we got married. How
about you?
Another woman: I don't know. What's his name?

女人甲：我結了婚才和老公做愛，妳呢？
女人乙：讓我想一下，嗯……妳的老公什麼名字啊？

2. Girl: If I
come up to your room, do you promise to be good?
Boy: I promise to
be fantastic!
女孩：如果讓你進房，可以答應我不要亂來嗎？
男孩：我答應你，我會「好好表現」的！

3.
I've got bad luck in relationships.
Every time I meet a nice girl,
either she's married or I am.
在男女關係中，我總是個倒楣鬼。

每次只要遇見一個好女孩，結果不是她早嫁做人婦，就是我已為人夫。

4. It was a magical night.

The moon was out, and so were her parents.
這是個神奇的夜晚。

月亮不見了，她的父母也是。

5. I was planning to marry her, but her family
objected.
Her family? Yes, her husband and four kids.

男人甲：我打算和她結婚，但她的家人卻強烈反對。
男人乙：她的家人？
男人甲：沒錯，她的丈夫和四個小孩全部都反對。

6.
I told my wife that I don't believe in combining marriage and a career -
which is why I haven't
worked since our wedding day.

我告訴我太太，家庭和工作不能混為一談，因此，從結婚的第一天起，我就把工作辭掉了。

7. In Eastern countries a
woman never sees her husband before marriage.
In Western
countries, she doesn't see him afterwards.
在東方世界裡，女人要到結婚當天才知道老公的樣子。

在西方世界裡，女人結婚後就再也看不見老公的樣子。

8. We have been married for 23 years
and we're still blissfully in love - she with the doctor and me with the
woman next door.
我們已結婚了二十三年，但我們的心態卻猶如初戀—她和醫生談情，我和隔壁的辣妹說愛。

9.
My wife should get a job in earthquake prediction.
She can find a
fault quicker than anyone!
我老婆應該在地震預測中心工作的。
她比誰都會找碴！

10.
Something terrible has happened.
My best friend has run away
without my wife!
發生了一件很糟糕的事。
我的換帖跑路了卻忘了帶我老婆一起走！

11.
He's looking for a wife and he doesn't care whose.

他正在找老婆，無論她死會與否。

12. Husband: One more word from you and I'm
leaving home.
Wife: Taxi!
老公：你只要再多囉唆一個字，我馬上離家出走。
老婆：計程車！

13.
My ex-wife was fanatically tidy. She divorced me because I had one hair
out of place. It was blonde and it was on my jacket!

我的前妻很吹毛求疵，她為了一根頭髮和我離婚。而那金色的頭髮是在我的外套上被發現的。

14. My wife and I
considered a divorce.
When we looked at the cost of the lawyers, we
decided to put in a swimming pool instead.
我打算和太太離婚。

然而在看到律師費之後，我們決定還是來個鴛鴦戲水好了。

15. There's a new chain of jewelry
stores just opened in America.
They rent out wedding rings!

美國最近開了一堆新式的珠寶店。
它們不賣你結婚戒指，而是用租的。

16. The trouble with life
is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

生命裡最大的痛苦在於，尤物太多，時間卻太少。

17. Girl: Am I the first girl you ever
kissed?
Boy: You might be. Your face looks familiar.

女：我是你第一個親吻的女孩嗎？
男：可能吧。你們女生的長相都差不多。

18. When they first met,
they were rough and ready- he was rough and she was ready.

初次相會，猶如乾柴烈火，她是乾柴，而他是烈火。

19. To me a woman's body is a temple- and
I try to attend services as often as possible.

我視女人的身體如聖地，所以我儘可能的抽空進入聖地並膜拜它。

20. My ambition is to be the last
man on earth- so that I can find out if all those girls were telling me
the truth.
我渴望成為世上唯一的男人，這樣我才能知道那些女人對我說過的話是真還是假。

21. I
believe in love at first sight. It saves such a lot of time.

我相信一見鍾情，這讓我省下了不少時間。

22. Marriage is the price men pay for sex;
sex is the price women pay for marriage.

男人為了性愛，以結婚做代價；女人為了結婚，把性愛當籌碼。

23. One should always be in love-
that is one reason why one should never marry.

人應該永遠在愛裏沉醉，而這恰好也是人不應該結婚的原因。

24. I'm sure my husband would leave
home if only he knew how to pack his bag.

我相信男人只有在一種情況下才會離家出走，在他學會打包行李的時候。

25. Whenever I meet a man who
would make a good husband, he already is.

每當我遇到可以做個好丈夫的男人時，他當好老公的資歷都很久了。

26. I remember the days when 'safe
sex' just meant that her parents were out for the evening.

還記得安全性愛一詞剛發明不久時，她的父母去參加了晚宴。

27. What's the difference between
erotic and perverted? Erotic is when you use a feather. Perverted is
when you use a chicken.
情色和變態有何不同？情色是使用羽毛調情，變態卻用了整隻雞。

28. I
haven't spoken to my wife for three years.
　　I don't like to
interrupt her.
我已經三年沒和老婆說話了。
我不想打擾她。

29. My wife and I
have an agreement that we never go to sleep angry with each other.
　　
We've been awake now for nearly 6 months.

我和老婆達成了一個協議，只要我們其中一個對另一個不滿，就絕不上床睡覺。
結果，我們已經六個月沒睡了。