婚姻

友人轉寄的文章，內容是關於一些男人對婚姻的看法。蠻有趣的，翻譯分享
之。


When
a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep
her.
給客兄最好的報
復是　—　拱手讓「婆」。

After
marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't
face each other, but still they stay together.
結婚之後，先生與太太的關係如同硬幣的正反面。他們無法面對彼此卻必須黏在一塊兒。

By
all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
婚姻不外乎是　—　有個賢內助，你會很幸福。若為惡婆娘，你會很哲學。

Woman
inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
女人激發了我們諸多美好夢想，然後阻止我們美夢成真。

The
great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What
does a woman want?
好
問題！唯一的疑問是：「女人究竟想要什麼？」

I
had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
我對老婆哼哼了兩聲，而後她用口水將我淹沒。

'Some
people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music
and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'
漫長婚姻生涯裡，有些伴侶會要求專屬倆人的私密時光。所以我們每兩週去一次餐廳，有燭光、美食、輕音
樂及慢舞。只不過她去的時間是星期二，而我是禮拜五。

'I
don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.'
結婚兩年後，我再也不怕恐怖份子了。

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even
faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'
有種轉帳的方法速度快於電子銀行，婚姻是也。

'I've had bad luck
with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.'
兩次婚姻都為我帶來不幸。第一任老婆走了，第二任卻不
走。

Two secrets to keep your
marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're
right, shut up.
兩個秘訣可以讓婚姻美
滿。一、當你犯錯，道歉。二、當你沒錯，閉嘴。

The most
effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
提供你一個最有效率的方法來記住老婆的生日，那就是　—　忘記一次。

You know what I
did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
你知道我在結婚前做什麼的嗎？什麼都能做。

My wife and I
were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
我和老婆有過愉快的二十年，直到我們相遇。

A good wife
always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
一個好的老婆總是原諒，當她不對的時候。

Marriage is the
only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
只有一種戰爭需要與敵人共枕　—　婚姻。

A
man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have
mine.'
有個男人在分類廣告版上刊登了徵
婚啟事。隔天，信件如雪花般飛來而內容都是一樣。「你可以娶我的老婆。」

First Guy
(proudly): 'My wife's an angel!' Second Guy 'You're lucky, mine's still
alive.
男人甲驕傲地說道：「我的太太是
個天使！」
男人乙羨慕地答道：「真好，我太太還活著呢。」